Memories

He was here

 

Bruv was here, loving, and beloved

His child body learned to run, to speak a language he was told was not for him

He laughed with everyone, learnt to mimic Frank Spencer’s melodic voice

Or echoed Kojak’s booming cry “who loves ya baby”

He was here, with me

 

He had a birthplace, in London Town; near the Queen, he said

He had a Mum, a Dad, a Gran and Grandad, a bruv, a skin & blister (that’s me)

He had holidays, we dug boats out of sand until the sea rushed in

He had birthdays with presents piled high, sometimes the birthdays were his

He lived for Christmas you know, the colours, the tinsel, the party food

But Santa was special, he knew Bruv well

 

His jokes were legendary. One-liners given out like pick & mix. King of us all.

I miss him. I miss his gaze, his Bruv eyes like the mince pies he once loved, warm from the oven

I miss his displeasures, I remember that no-one should eat stuffing, or wafers with ice cream, 

nor speak during important speeches at weddings, birthdays, or any assembly greater than two.

 

He was here when it arrived, a crash collision with destiny,

his slight body besieged by forceful energies closing in

Time shifts to rear view, doubt creeps in, but still, he is here

We invite Christmas early, the songs, the tinsel and glitter …

The magic diminished, letting in the pantomime villains, sneaking behind you.

 

Later, holding his hand, my turn to be gentle, my promise, my privilege. 

That last day, of our togethers, replaying in my mind, like Goldfinger on your tv

I thanked you, and cried LOTS …

“Thank you Bruv”, I said, “for being mine”. I sang about sleigh bells ringing, my throat throbbing,

Big big Bruv. 007, commander of my dreams, my special valentine.

He was here.

 

Before that Monday, life was full. After, sucked away by a high tide. 

I’m stuck, I am still here, his skin & blister. 

He visits my dreams over and over when we walk slower,

We don’t arrive because I lose him again.

My Bruv, here is my heart “you can have it if you want”